Monday, July 25, 2011

Teeter Totter

I hate teeter totters. Ever since I got stuck at the very top of one when I was five years old, only to eventually come crashing down and bruise my butt.

I like balance. I like the balance of knowing that I can be strong but graceful. Loving but stern. When I was younger I loved telling people that I was a ballerina and a hunter (with a perpetual turn-out and a gun scope-shaped scar on my forehead to prove it all).

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So I've been on a bit of a hiatus and taking some very necessary time to evaluate where my life is at right now. It's been a bonkers couple of months and a chapter of my life has come to a close. After a mere seven months I have left my second career stop and will be moving on to a new organization. For most people this change is a bit surprising but has been a long time coming - probably since day one to be honest.

I've learned a lot about myself and about what I want...scratch that, need my life with the Best Boy to entail. And that is time and balance.

When I took my job with the old place I was in a tough spot, having recently lost my job. I was offered a tremendous pay increase and the opportunity to start immediately. Unfortunately, I couldn't see past the obvious to understand that none of the work in this position was anything that I enjoyed and was subsequently not good at. I was having panic attacks each day, trying to figure out how to manage my work load, spending 13 hours a day in the office and putting more than 15,000 miles on my leased car. From day one I knew this wasn't going to be right for me but the money...the money...the money in the long run wasn't enough.

I am grateful to have found a new (to me) organization that will provide me with tremendous opportunities for professional education and personal growth. I am salivating with excitement over the great things that I can provide to them to bring them to the next level. And even more importantly, I am overjoyed with a director who understands the importance of work-life balance and the willingness to "take a cut and simply have faith." He did it too, having come from a similarly-structured organization and had nothing but great things to say about his Leap of Faith.

Faith. There's a word that hasn't entered my life in a while.

If there is one man that I can credit my spiritual beliefs to, it is Kierkegaard and his belief in Faith and taking a Leap of Faith. I admit that I am taking a leap but I truly believe that there is a new world at my fingertips. An opportunity to showcase everything I am and what I can bring to the table...as a professional, as a community-centric leader and as a future wife.

I was nervous to tell my HR professional of a Big Brother, waiting for a lecture about job-hopping of which I was acutely aware of. It's a horrible perception (and perception is reality!). But after explaining my stance he had to admit that he has had the same inner turmoil. We are not a "work hard, play hard" kind of people. We are a "give 100% but come home and enjoy your family" kind of people. We never did elaborate vacations, and thinking about it neither of my siblings do now either (I can't factor myself into this much...student loans and credit cards don't allow much room for vacations).

We were brought up with work-at-home parents. I was brought up in a home where everyone sat at the dinner table together, no matter how late or how quick it would be. I was brought up with two loving and doting parents who believed in being present for me and being a part of my life no matter what work obstacles were in the way. Even if it meant a Daddy who was a Father in the Party Scene of the Nutcracker one week and a sharp shooter for a six-point buck the next.

Balance.

I've got it.

1 comment:

  1. Perfect.

    I'm so so happy you found a new position!

    Damn money, so enticing, but I know I'm exactly the same way...

    ReplyDelete